just take your time

will you count me in?

i’ve been away for a while now

you’ve got me feeling like a child now

just take your time

wherever you go.

last week, on our way to a nearby park, i was driving with the windows down and could feel the cool morning air. i moved to the carolinas ten years ago and every autumn season seems to brings nostalgia, an anniversary of self-discovery. you all know just how sentimental i am… and there lots of things that remind me of my first fall in charlotte; my first time living on my own in a new city, a new state, something i never imagined i would be able to do. moments in time | the song, bubbly by colbie callait, annotating the book, eat pray, love on a blanket in the front yard, my first taste of bojangles at a panthers tailgate, long walks exploring, the colorful little bungalow i called home, the smell of brueggers’ pumpkin coffee, the way this season goes well into november, how the leaves become even more beautiful as the months go on. on that drive, the song, bubbly, came on, which is a song about the initial stages of a relationship, the butterflies you feel. it’s ironic that that song stood out so much to me during my first fall here because i was actually experiencing the opposite in a relationship. it has recently dawned on me… that this song was actually foreshadowing for my truest love of all, my sweet baby boy. i seem to only hear this particular song on the radio during these months. it’s true- moving here eventually brought me him. moving to a new place, far away from home, initially brought courage and confidence and an understanding of who i really am. the types of friendships i want and don’t want in life. most of all, a lot of the anxieties i had always experienced dissipated, as i learned that i was capable of much more. i have learned that we often need to take our time with things and that we all have a unique pace- one step at a time, one month at a time, one prayer at a time. i am always trying to stop and reflect. and… 

i love being right here. 

i like feeling the unknown of all that i have done and have yet to do. i love being my husband’s wife and parks’ mom. i love having my morning coffee poured for me and my feet rubbed at night while watching a documentary on netflix. i love surprising them both with something special or fixing my husband a plate after cooking. i love waking up to our boy sprawled between us and how he is extra kind and friendly to strangers. the joy he experiences at a wide-open playground, waving to trucks and dogs and strangers. our family walks, reading and praying together- always sharing our dreams.

right here. and it’s enough. 

it’s mine. and it’s really wonderful. 

more than being smart, strong, brave

i want you to be kind, empathetic, humble

whatever you are, whatever you become

only God truly knows. 

but i know

that your momma will always adore you

wherever you go.

xo